Untitled

So he tells me that he doesn’t want a relationship at the moment and he doesn’t want to bring anything up from the past because it will be better just to forget. But what If I don’t forget. The way he got treated the last time, he deserves a proper relationship, and I can give that to him!!!! It’s so unfair how he can just tell me that he likes me and then not do a single hung about it. As soon as he told me, all the previous feelings came back and it’s going to be 10 times harder to get rid of them again!!! I don’t want to loose him as a friend. I don’t think I have ever tried enough to get someone to like and love me before. Not its worked and he doesn’t want to do anything about it. This worlds fucked up!!!!! I thought I was happy about the fact that I knew exactly where we stand. But where we stand is not where I want to be. I want to be more. That’s not going to happen…..

I’m going to write a song, music helps me release my thoughts and feelings.

It all seems too good to be true. It all changed so quickly. From being at each others throats to telling each other how we really feel. Maybe the arguments was a cover up to hide the real face that we never stopped liking each other. I haven’t slept, it’s been whiz zing round my head like a ping pong ball. I know I over think things but not to this degree. What’s my problem. Why can’t I just let people help me and be happy with me, instead of running it by over thinking every single problem I have. I want a relationship and everyone tells me how good it would be. But I don’t want to loose him. Even when we were arguing I still couldn’t live without him. What happens if I’m too much for him, if he doesn’t like PDA and I do. What happens if it all goes to shit. But then what happens if it’s the best experience of my life. If I have my best friend as my boyfriend as well as the rest of the amazing people in my life. If we both put so much effort into it that it lasts for ever, yyyeeeahhhh ahah. Maybe I should just go for it, l let my heart out to him for the second time and see how it goes then. We all know what happened last time, I liked him and then he had a boyfriend It broke my heart. That’s the only difficulty I have accepting this fact. That he likes me!

I’m gonna do it, I need to, or I will never forgive myself.